Asking Eric: After divorce, ex questions how to phrase holiday cards

Dear Eric My dilemma is about Christmas cards I am separated from my husband of years and while it s mostly amicable I feel disingenuous including him on the card this year Our divorce will be final less than a month after Christmas I am also going back to my maiden name so I thought it might be a good way to announce that as well We share four children and a cat who I d like to include Any ideas on wording that is classy or funny to express this new family identity that doesn t skew weird or inappropriate I d Still Like to Wish You a Merry Christmas Dear Merry Christmas Hmm this was an gripping challenge Perhaps something like There s a new name and a new family arrangement but the warm wishes are the same Or you could lean into a seasonal motif This holiday we re moving into a new season of life so you ll see a different name on the return address but know that my love for you lasts year-round Or funny Is it regifting when Santa brings you your maiden name for Christmas Perhaps follow that last one up with a sincere sentence or two to reassure folks that everyone is happy and healthy There s also a simple resolution of taking a photo of yourself with your kids and cat signing it with your maiden name and letting people infer or speak to you directly if they want more information There are several who advise against announcing divorces in holiday greetings because divorce can be sad However it s your card and your life and you don t have to hide it Holiday cards and letters often encompass the full breadth of what goes on in a year love loss and all the rest So if you want to share it do Readers I invite you to improve upon my work If you ve written or received other holiday greetings from folks announcing a divorce please send it in I ll publish certain of them in a column next month so that you can put them to use in future years Dear Eric My wife and I have three children in their s We paid for their college educations they have no debt Each has their own unique ambitions My oldest child has a professional job the youngest just graduated college and is still figuring out his path My middle child will go to law school and I plan to pay for it for plenty of reasons but one of which is that I have plenty of money Other situations may arise like perhaps advancing another child s funds to purchase a house or something similar To sort of keep it fair I was thinking that every time I make a tuition payment I would also make a monetary gift to the other children Is this reasonable and if so should I not advertise it to the law scholar All the kids have a trust fund so they will all inherit plenty of money at a few point Rich problems I know but thanks all the same All s Fair Dear Fair First a question are you open to adoption Because I know of a certain gainfully employed advice columnist who would gladly start accepting checks Now the answer if you have the funds and you want to keep everything perfectly neutral sure give the gifts to the other children I wouldn t hide it from the law learner though Clear communication around money and intention especially in family systems is inevitably key Lastly a suggestion instead of writing your other two children checks consider asking them to pick a charity or multiple charities and donate the amount equivalent of each tuition payment in their names This way there s no danger of the law participant feeling that they lost out on money by going to law school Instead because of their decision and your generosity the world improves in multiple procedures Related Articles Asking Eric Wife has racked up k in secret bills Asking Eric years and no proposal what gives Asking Eric Parent gives daughter s ex free room and board plus a loan Asking Eric Daughter s clutter keeps getting her kicked out of apartments Asking Eric Friend is shell of himself after relationship Dear Eric We have given Christmas gifts to eight of our son s friends since middle school I not long ago retired and do not make the kind of money I used to I want to tactfully tell them that I love them all dearly but need to stop gifting They do not gift us nor do I ever see them open their gifts So I really don t get the happiness out of it anymore Can you help Gift Giver Dear Giver You re basically already there with what you ve written to me A card or note that tells them you love them all dearly but that your circumstances are changing and so you need to end the tradition should suffice You can even say less if you d like and just send them a card that announces we re switching to cards for Christmas Still love you lots Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com