Asking Eric: In-law’s handmade gift caused years-long rift

Dear Eric My sister-in-law made quilts for two of her nieces They unwrapped them to oohs aahs and applause on Christmas Eve at my house My daughter did not receive a gift I sent a polite email to sister-in-law explaining that my daughter was disappointed I received a snail mail reply that included a gift certificate and a note Sister-in-law wrote that I was a bully and stated that she would never set foot in my house again She hasn t for several years What should I do Stitchy Situation Dear Situation Your sister-in-law s reaction was a bit extreme all things considered or at least all things detailed in your letter This suggests to me that maybe there s something else under it for her whether it s other issues she has with your relationship or a sensitivity around the particular gift Or maybe her feelings were hurt by your email even though it was polite The best way to sort it all out is by asking It s been years and she hasn t come back so I m curious what your relationship is like outside of visits Has this escalated to grudge territory Does she speak to you at all If she doesn t you may have to make a bigger gesture in order to reset things Telling her I don t like what happened between us and I m sorry for my part could help lay a foundation for reconciliation Try if you can not to let the conversation get too caught up in what happened years ago though The gift card the email et cetera All the details can become places where you both get stuck relitigating and rehashing Instead focus on the objective of the conversation you want to re-establish contact It will also help to have a concrete goal as well as an emotional one Perhaps something like extending an invitation for her to come for lunch If she s not receptive to a phone call or face-to-face conversation an email or letter will work but a spoken conversation is vastly more effective Dear Eric I bought a used bike from a social media field site that was advertised like new I went to the seller s home nearby to test ride the bike The tires were flat so my partner put air in them so I could ride the bike around the block It shifted stiffly but I attributed that to the fact it had not been ridden in a while I paid the asking price The next day my partner was changing the front tube and saw that the primary middle derailleur hub had about three sheared-through and bent teeth The damage was extreme and would cost as much to replace as I paid for the bike I texted the seller demonstrated them pictures and they apologized and stated they would not have advertised it as new if they had seen the damage I questioned how would they have advertised it then and how much would they have charged if they knew They announced that was not relevant I declared if our places were switched I would be offering the buyer particular money back I recounted the seller I unveiled them to be unethical That was the end of the conversation and they offered nothing Should the seller have admitted their error and refunded various of the purchase price the price I paid was set for a like new bike as an ethical matter I am aware that as a legal matter I might not have a leg to stand on under a buyer beware approach Left Holding the Bag Dear Bag We can all agree the bike was not like new While numerous people have great experiences buying things online we need to have a national conversation about the umbrella term like new Personally I think the issue is the word like Could mean anything I m like a billionaire See how easy that was to say And how false In your incident I suspect the seller was aware that they were stretching the meaning of like new and you were correct to point out their unethical behavior Or maybe we could say what they did was like ethical When buying things online it s best practice to use a site that has chosen sort of moderation or buyer protection that would allow the site to refund you the money and return the product if you re not happy These kinds of protections also make it easier for the sites to spot and block sellers who aren t on the up and up Now this isn t dependably doable and there are plenty of indeed ethical people out there with indeed like new goods to sell But as you noted buyers should be cautious and take all the time they need to inspect a product before paying Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com