Asking Eric: Girlfriend accuses boyfriend of cheating with church friend

Dear Eric I m a -year-old single man I m disabled and until their passing lived with my parents About years ago my parents and I became friendly with a woman I ll call her M and her husband P through programs at our church After my father passed away M invited me to lunch She knew I was alone and grieving and kindly offered me various company Over time we met for lunch several times sometimes just the two of us other times with another church member and on a meager occasions with our pastor P was consistently aware of these meetings and even joined us when he could There was never any secrecy and I have remained on good terms with P throughout The trouble is that my girlfriend believes I had a romantic relationship with M She has required her friends for their opinion and they agree with her I ve tried to explain that we are only friends and assure her that there was never anything romantic between M and me We had very limited contact before my father s passing and were never alone together until after his death She regularly checks in on homebound members of the congregation which is in keeping with her character and entirely voluntary role in the church district My girlfriend insists I write to you to ask for your opinion Do you think it s reasonable for her to believe I had a romantic relationship with M Do you think most of people would come to that conclusion Not Guilty Dear Not Guilty From what I m reading not only is she accusing you of having feelings for M but also of having a romantic relationship with her That s a really big step and it s a step that ignores a lot of the traditions involved in visiting members of a church neighborhood who are homebound or who are grieving This is a fairly standard practice One would hope that your girlfriend would see how helpful it was to have connection and endorsement during this arduous time I think that jealousy is perhaps playing too large a role Your girlfriend should ask herself why she believes this to be true despite your insistence to the contrary And you should both discuss how you can move on with trust and open communication If that s not practicable it s hard to continue to build a relationship If it didn t happen and you say it didn t happen and she doesn t believe you I m not sure you have a lot of options here Dear Eric Growing up my parents invariably had a favorite child They gave their time attention and money to my brother They later had our youngest sister who they were both thrilled about There are five of us kids My mom has now passed away and dad is years old Weekly he takes my brother and youngest sister out to eat and shop he pays for everything He reliably shows up to my home to talk about what they did It hurts my feelings and my children s feelings too They all in recent months took vacation together Dad required us to hear all about it and look at pictures I don t understand why he wants me to listen to everything he does for them when he does nothing for me my older sister another brother and our families I also have no memory of being hugged or stated that they were proud of me or that they love me It hurts I have already distanced myself by not calling or going to his home anymore But he insists on showing up banging on the door until we answer and proceeds with his updates Even if I am busy he will follow me around talking It s cruel Any suggestions for how to tactfully handle this so I can get particular peace Feeling Not Worthy Related Articles Asking Eric Longtime boyfriend has dream wedding plan but won t propose Asking Eric Longtime friend inevitably has to have upper hand in conversation Asking Eric New husband wants to go on vacation without his wife Asking Eric Neighborhood gardener doesn t want to chat about garden Asking Eric Widowed mother-in-law wants to bring new beau for holidays Dear Feeling I don t know that tact is going to be very effective here Your father s habit of barging into your home and demanding to be heard is aggressive and suggests that he s being intentional about passing your boundaries After a lifetime of unhealthy relationship dynamics you can t change what s occurred and you can t change the system so instead you have to be clear and vigilant about protecting yourself If you re not available to host a visit or not available for conversation hold the line with him You don t have to let him in or you can tell him I don t want to talk about this right now and if you can t respect that we re going to have to end this conversation People who are narcissists or emotionally abusive often react badly to boundaries Their reaction is not your responsibility Instead it s crucial that you decide what s acceptable for you communicate that clearly and hold the boundary for your own peace of mind Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com