Asking Eric: Friend fears being losing wedding invitation over politics

Dear Eric I have a good friend with whom I get together maybe twice a month or so We disagree politically sometimes passionately but constantly end our conversation by telling each other that we are still friends and still love and respect each other A sparse months ago her daughter got engaged and when my friend shared this news she mentioned that of curriculum I would be invited Whenever we met up I would constantly ask about the wedding plans and we would talk at great length about this In recent weeks we met for lunch with a third friend and the subject of the wedding shower came up Friend One handed Friend Three the shower invitation right in front of me with no explanation to me This seemed deliberately designed to be hurtful and indeed I am hurt and confused I can now assume I m not invited to the wedding either Do I say anything to Friend One Should I assume that she s angry about my political views Should I just ignore the whole situation and pretend I don t care Or should I cut my losses and just withdraw from the friendship Uninvited Dear Uninvited Unless something else happened between you and your friend either around politics or the wedding I m inclined to take the Occam s Razor approach here Is it workable that your invite got lost in the mail and she assumed that you already had it when she gave the shower invite to your other friend Perhaps you ve already thought of this but it just seems overly involved and cruel for her to talk to you about the wedding for months then go out to lunch with you and use that moment to humiliate you by inviting the friend Especially since she hasn t given you any indication from what I can see that you ve been taken off the invite list Is it viable that the fractious nature of your political disagreements weighs heavily on you even though you do make up with each other when you get into it To assume that she s being vindictive about your opinions suggests that perhaps you don t in fact think everything goes back to love and respect at the end of each debate So ask her Are we OK I haven t gotten an invite to the shower and it would hurt to not be there and celebrate your daughter But I want to check in with you to make sure I haven t misread anything or missed a cue Dear Eric My husband who used to be evolving and social has fallen into a funk This has been going on for certain time He just sits all day and watches TV or is on his computer I believe him to also be an alcoholic He will pour a drink in the morning and drink all day And for no reason his attitude changes yelling for no reason and calling me names I retired a year and a half ago and since then have become a housewife who pretty much does everything He won t seek help I have talked with a counselor to keep myself sane Any advice would be helpful Tired of Being Taken Advantage Of Dear Tired It s good that you re talking to a counselor Your husband s struggle with alcohol and his mood can bring you down too It s likely that it s already happening Work with your counselor and or a trusted friend or loved one on a plan to put particular distance between what s happening with your husband and yourself This doesn t have to be divorce or separation if that s not something you re willing to consider right now But for your peace of mind your quality of life and your safety it will help you to be out of the orbit of his booze-influenced behavior You shouldn t have to do everything around the house if you don t want to And it s unacceptable for him to yell at you or call you names This is emotional abuse One of the reasons it s key to put together a plan is so that you can be protected from this abuse and any escalation of his behavior Also please look into groups like Al-Anon or SMART Family Recovery which can help you tackle this living arrangement and the hard feelings you re managing Once you have a plan in place tell him that this situation is not acceptable to you a number of things need to change and that if he won t seek help you can t keep going as you have It may help to have a friend or loved one with you for this conversation You re in a dangerous situation and your husband has already refused to address the root issue So you have to do what you can to protect yourself and to help him to help himself Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com