Asking Eric: Family punished for missing wedding 50 years later

Dear Eric My sister-in-law Suzy married John years ago in a state distant from where we lived at the time I am married to John s older brother I was seven months pregnant with our third child and we were living paycheck to paycheck at the time which made spending money on trip and accommodations a burden But the real reason I did not want to attend the wedding was because John did not choose to include my husband his only brother in the wedding party He chose a cousin to be his best man There was never any discussion at the time of the wedding regarding his choice and our excuse for not attending was that it was just too much of a financial burden with the baby on the way Now our granddaughter is engaged to be married and Suzy recounted her that we did not attend their wedding There has never been a falling out between the brothers before or since the wedding Since the wedding John and his cousin rarely see each other I question Suzy s motivation for telling our granddaughter and her fianc that we did not attend their wedding I am not asking what Suzy s side of the story was but since Suzy feels it relevant years later to let my granddaughter believe her grandparents were uncaring relatives is it time to tell Suzy it was hurt feelings that kept us from making the sacrifice to attend Wedding Guests Dear Guests Ideally this wouldn t be an issue for either of you It s odd verging on inappropriate that Suzy is bringing it up half a century later And she certainly doesn t need to involve your granddaughter in it However I don t see the use in relitigating it with her If she chooses not to go to your granddaughter s wedding because you didn t attend hers that s behavior that she has to own Ask your granddaughter if it s really meaningful that Suzy attend If so you can have a conversation with her with the intention of clearing the air I understand that you have various feelings about us not attending your wedding I d love for that not to interfere with my granddaughter s wedding So can we talk about it It sounds as if Suzy and John may not be big parts of your granddaughter s life If that s the occurrence she may be only trying to stir the pot That s something neither you nor your granddaughter need to be caught up in Dear Eric My -year-old sister I ll call her Jane doesn t have much faith in doctors but is free with her own remedies for everyone else s ailments mostly vitamins herbs and supplements We used to refer to her as Dr Jane behind her back because she had a vitamin for every strength issue Jane developed problems walking and is now in a nursing home It turns out Jane has been taking eight B- vitamin supplements a day for years The percentage daily value of vitamin B- in one pill is percent She has no feeling in her lower extremities whatsoever and we doubt she will ever walk again My brother tried to suggest to Jane that the vitamins were the likely cause of her obstacle but Jane is adamant vitamins can t harm you She is running out of money for the nursing home bill and is going to have to sign over her house and go on inhabitants aid We have been shielding Jane from the fact that she s the majority likely going to lose her house Should we go ahead and tell her And please tell me how to handle myself when she tells me vitamins had nothing to do with her condition I am going to have a hard time keeping myself from screaming you did this to yourself I love my sister but dealing with her situation is complicated Related Articles Asking Eric Siblings clash over commemorating deceased sister Asking Eric Neighbor s vacant home threatens property Asking Eric Boyfriend s ex-mother-in-law still comes for coffee Asking Eric Girlfriend s adult son gets in the way of relationship Asking Eric Friendly customer function keeps causing conflict Not the Remedy Dear Remedy There are more pressing issues for Jane and for the family than who is right about proper vitamin intake so I d advise that you not engage with her about that at all There are already enough doctors providing Dr Jane care and counsel Stepping into the debate even just to express your frustration is only going to cause upset There s no upside Instead focus on having a grounded and frank conversation with her about her financial position It does her a disservice to hide this information Her life has changed dramatically and she s going to need the truth in order to make wise decisions Consider reaching out to a financial planner or a social worker who can guide her through the process of setting up long-term care In finances as with medicine we make the the bulk informed decisions with input from experts Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com