Asking Eric: Coworker’s body hair causes workplace distraction

Dear Eric My coworker has been wearing sleeveless summer tops and dresses just now She looks so cute in all of her outfits Although her daily wear slams it is her hairy armpits that causes everyone in the workplace to cringe The armpit hair is not straight It is short and kinky which is a turn off to me Her job description calls for her to assist clients on the computer It is so apparent that plenty of of them talk behind her back as well as fellow coworkers I am not close to her So bringing up the subject to her is not an option I am asking you straight Can our employer compel her to shave her armpits or not Coworker Dear Coworker Your employer can adjust the dress code to disallow sleeveless dresses and tops if they want Multiple workplaces and various employees find sleeveless attire without a jacket to be too informal The standard varies There are a few industries and workplaces where there are stipulations around body hair as well but that can be complicated It s not clear to me whether compelling your coworker to shave her armpits is something that s on the table at your workplace or just something that you want to happen I m going to presume the latter It s irrelevant whether the hair is a turn off to you The fact that management hasn t adjusted the dress code suggests that they re either unaware or unconcerned about this aspect of her appearance So leave it up to them I understand that it s not something you think is appropriate at the office Respectfully it s best for you to focus on something else Dear Eric My son and his fianc live on the East Coast and I live on the West Coast My son lived with me to the age of then moved out of state Although we both admit we drive each other crazy when we are together too long we also love each other very much and say so We are just both very independent I am utterly confused about visiting him This November it will be three years since I ve seen him and I miss him I text him before calling to see if it s a good time Sometimes he texts me back most of often he doesn t There is no anger when we do speak He of late became engaged to a woman he s been with for eight years When he recounted me he longed to propose I sent him my diamond ring When I ask him to let me know when a good time would be for me to visit he says he ll get back with me but then doesn t He commented it s not that he doesn t want me to visit but that he s so busy right now he can t get to it I ve also let them know that I plan on staying at a nearby hotel He and his fianc e are living with her mom since her dad in the past few days passed away His fianc e disclosed she wants me to visit and share the wedding plans Should I just make my arrangements and tell him when I m coming Should I just forget about visiting unless he brings it up I don t want to be overbearing but I also don t want to be neglectful Missing Mom Dear Mom Sometimes especially in relationships with prickly edges and love at the center it s good to assume that everyone is trying their best This allows you to operate out of a place of love and generosity of spirit and hopefully with less anxiety In this occurrence that might mean assuming that your son is genuine when he says he wants you to visit but also that he s struggling with the logistics of it all Your son should also be able to see you to visit you and to make meaningful time for you That s something that he requirements to work on But you can show him love and set an example by showing up There s a lot on his plate right now with his living situation and his fianc e s family s loss and he may not be able to extend hospitality right now I know that you re not asking for anything here indeed you ve gone out of your way to make this an easy yes Neither of you is in the wrong And so I think you should make the arrangements make yourself a fun sightseeing schedule and tell him that you ll be in town and you would love to see him and his fianc e as much as their schedules allow You might even ask him to connect you to his fianc e if you don t already have her number and make a lunch date of your own This isn t overbearing behavior It s loving and it s very generous of you Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com